Updated: May 7
Alan is half Scottish. He came to me for his anxiety. He got so-called long COVID when the pandemic started 2 years ago and the symptoms lingered for a very long time and it affected his mind as well. Now his body feels better but the disease left a big gap in his life.
Besides his day-to-day issues, Alan also mentioned something that has been bothering him for a long time.
Born and bred in this beautiful city in Canada, with multiple family members as social activists, Alan has a strong sense of social justice. He often felt guilty and nostalgic. He couldn’t tell exactly what that guilt was about, almost as if his own identity as a white male brought him shame from his ancestors for what they had done unfairly to this land and to the aboriginals. He believes that must has something to do with the memories came from his ancestors
I just took a course called Ancestral Healing, which provided me with some understanding about how traumas and wounds could pass down through our bloodlines and have impacts on our own wellness. So I anticipated an interesting session.
It took me quite a while to put Alan into the trance - His anxiety level was pretty high, plus the fidgeting - typical ADHD. He couldn’t see or feel anything at the beginning. Since he had high expectations for the session, by not being able to receive any image from the trance, he became even more anxious, which brought more conscious interference into the brain. So I had to calm him down, and asked him to be patient with himself.
My intuition told me to keep going. I decided to take a detour. I asked him to bring out the memories from his childhood. That he had no problem - Many childhood memories spilled out with vivid pictures. Then all of sudden, he said he felt dizzy, “There’s a picture comes into my head…I’m standing at the edge of a cliff. One side is the cliff, another side is the endless green farm field. I can also see a small house.”
That picture came into my mind just as his - I could almost see that vast lush green field, and see him standing tall and content.
“How do you feel?”
“I’m proud. It’s my land…It was my father’s before me, my grandpa’s before him, and many generations before that. Now it’s mine. We were born here, we work here and we die here.” There’s a lot of passion in his voice.
“Can you go into the house? Is there anyone else in the house? Who are they? “
“Yes, I have a family - my wife and daughter. I love them.”
Next, some officers came to tell him he had to move. His land had been confiscated since the new reigns. It seemed they wanted to build something on his land. This was somewhere in Scotland, hundreds of years ago.
They showed up at the door 3 times, each time harsher than before. He tried to reason with them in vain. He was so angry and frustrated. There’s fire burning inside his heart. He thought about fighting back, to raise up and make a difference. But he’s also aware of his responsibility to his family. Eventually he decided to take his family and leave.
It’s a long boat ride to go to the New World. He was heartbroken for losing the land and just wanted to go far far away, away from that unjust place. Often at night he thought about the choice he didn’t take - what if he fought back.
They landed on the East Coast of Canada. He had the choice to do farming again but chose not to, since he knew the land he could have was taken from aboriginals. He worked in a factory, day in and day out he took care of the family with his meager income. To the last day of his life, lying on the deathbed, he had a dazed expression on his face - He drifted back to his land, the land with lush greens, the land where he was born and worked, where he was supposed to die…
Alan still looked dazed when he came out of the trance. It was a very deep experience. Reality and past life memories mingled together. Now he understood where those guilty and nostalgia feelings came from.
Who can tell if those memories belong to him or his ancestors, or maybe he is the reincarnation of one of his ancestors. All these times his urge to fight for a cause, for justice. Maybe Karma will lead him to go on the journey that he had missed, correct whatever wrongdoings and bring more justice and peace to the earth, some day, some place, some lifetime.
May, 6, 2022