Helen is a beautiful elegant Chinese lady in her early forties, she has fair skin like a 20-year-old girl and she wears designer’s clothes in a casual way. Helen was referred to me by a realtor friend who helped her sell her house for over 4 million dollars at the peak of local real estate market. You can say with that amount of money she doesn’t need to worry about anything for the rest of her life. But Helen worries, she worries a lot, she has breast cancer.
Helen came to me not for her cancer - That has been dealt with by her surgeons, at least for now. She’s here for her anxiety - Worries about her life, worries about her son as a single mother. She also seems consumed by her past. She is taking antidepressants as well as seeing a young psychologist. Although she pondered the counseling since, as she said - ” What life advice can you expect to get from a 20-year-old! How much could he possibly understand about life from books!” For the very first time I actually felt a relief for those fine fishtails creeped on my face over the years.
As a Quantum Healing practitioner, we believe every physical issue has a reason or so called root cause, and quite often, this reason did not stop at what your doctor told you. For example, a medical explanation for type II diabetes is the insulin resistance from too much sugar intake. Yes, this person probably ate more sugar or carbohydrate than his or her body can stand, that is the fact of the cause of diabetes. But what made him overeat? What made him fail to resist the temptation of those cakes and donuts while others can? We say in our subconscious, sugar means sweet, sweet means love, someone who grew up in an environment with the short supply of caring - equals to love for a child, and therefore, craving for love for the rest of his life, will be more inclined towards those sweet treats. One basic rule of our mind is when conscious fight against the subconscious mind, the subconscious normally win. It sounds quite literal. A lot of times our subconscious is just straightforward and symbolic like that. Since it has been formed in childhood, it acts like a child too - “I knew smoke (sweets, gambling or that bad guy, fill the blank.) is not good for me, but I just can’t get away from it!” Sounds familiar?
Back to Helen, I explained to her about our understanding of breast cancer - Breast is a nurturing organ, and cancer is over-suppressed anger or hatred over a long period, and can’t be released in any other way, so the negative energy expands inward. So breast cancer literally means long-holding anger toward whoever nurtured the person - in most cases, parents. It seems my explanation opened a dam in Helen’s heart, the pictures of her childhood poured out from her mouth.
Helen’s childhood was quite typical of many Chinese her age - Under the political banner of “re-educate the educated in the field” , her parents were relocated to the countryside separately for years since she was born. She and her sister lived with their grandparents until school age. When the family finally got together, things changed for the worse. Mom and dad became strangers, not only to the kids but also to each other. Home became a war zone. Anytime she heard her parents fighting, she felt the sky is going to collapse right in front of her. “ Even now”, she said, tears started running, “whenever I heard them screaming at each other, which was quite often, or even just thinking about that, I still feel that way.” Make you wonder how it is possible after nearly 40 years of fighting, her parents are still together.
During her school years, she was an average, plain and timid girl who can never match up her parents expectations. Filled with discontentment and scolding, she was desperate to get out of this cold family. Met a guy at age 17 and got married soon after, had a son together, only to find out later that he was abusive, both verbally and physically. What we call “The Law of Attraction” - Your vibration holds you to wherever you belong. Things around you won’t change until you do. Her money situation was another story. She worked like a maniac since out of high school and was quite successful in real estate and the stock market. Her husband then also did very well. By the time she ran away from the husband all the way to Canada, she brought with her their son and also enough money to start her real estate endeavor again.
About her current life, Helen told me she is “not very functional” - that was the words she used. “ These days I went through life each day in an auto-pilot mode. “ Apparently the physical distance from her past didn’t bring her the new life she expected. Not too long after she came over, she found out she had breast cancer. Another battle started.
Life can be so dramatic sometimes when you try so hard to get away from the demon, only to find out the demon is in you, and there is no way to get around unless you face him upfront. That was the problem for Helen. She had so much fear in her, the fear she had since she was a child. The fear was so strong that it felt like a solid brick wall and it blocked all the lights from her, making her feel drowning. The fear was so habituated that she won’t question what she actually fears about, instead, she fears the fear itself.
The desire for living was also very strong. Despite all the struggles with cancer, Helen is still pretty and takes good care of her appearance. She fell for someone, a handsome musician, a half Chinese who can’t speak the language. According to her, that was “love at first sight, “ with a lot of dazzling flames sparkling around, and the feeling was “mutual”.
It was a perfect picture in a perfect love story - Except the guy was not who she thought he was. The musician was brought out over conversations before from our common realtor friend since he is also one of her clients, with anecdotes of him and other guys, I’m pretty sure that he was referred as a gay. Not that I have any problem with any sexual orientations, but to hear her talk about this guy full of passion and longing made me confused. As a therapist, I probably shouldn’t overstep my toes to disclose something like this.
Understand she doesn’t speak much English, I have to ask with a hint of discouraging : “How do you know he felt the same as you? Are you sure that was not your imagination?”
“We don’t need words to tell. When we saw each other in the eyes, we just knew!” She’s quite sure about that and gave me an example about a couple somewhere in the world who were together very well for decades but never understood each other’s language. Make me wonder - You don’t need “decades” to learn a language if you really want to. Language can be shallow and inadequate when it comes to heart feeling. But without language, things can go really wrong.
Then she told me all of sudden he just disappeared from her life with no explanation, leaving her feeling devastated. She believes he still loves her, and she is going to wait for him until he comes back. I’m not sure how much I can work on that. I put a question mark in my mind. “Helen, what’s the color in your sky?”
Age regression hypnosis
Helen’s subconscious seemed already know where this should go before we got there. Following her feeling, we went back to the time when she was 7 or 8 years old, the parents were fighting, she and her sister were so scared and had no place to hide in their small apartment. “My mom was furious, she dragged me across the hallway and opened a door, shoved me in. That was a BIG dark room, so big, all the sound was stifled. So dark, I couldn’t see where the space ends.” Her tears gushed out from closed eyes. “I’m so scared, so so scared! I don’t know where I can go, it’s so dark and I don’t know where to go! Nobody here but me.”
She just sat there, let the tears run freely like a dam. I shoved some paper towels into her hands and didn’t say anything for a while, giving her time to catch the feeling.
Tears are our bodies natural way of release. Hypnosis always brings out strong emotions which indicate the underlying negative energy, so it’s quite common for me to see tears flow.
Once she calmed down a little, I guided her through several childhood imprints in her subconscious mind and it’s all similar - tragic and devastating, all related with her parents abusive relationship. There were more tears shed.
With the memories from both conscious mind and subconscious mind, it’s obvious that’s where her energy stuck. After so many years she’s still holding on to the past so much, she never forgave what happened and that’s what manifested the cancer in her breast.
I tried some hypnosis techniques to help her do the forgiveness over several sessions. It seemed any time I tried to work on it with her subconscious, her conscious mind would interfere, she became alerted and guarded. She’ll say - “ Sure I can forgive them. They are far far away and it all belongs to the past anyway.” And then the next session she would come back crying all over again. One time she’s deep in trance and I pushed her quite hard, she cried over tears - “I would rather die, I can not forgive them!”
I felt a bit frustrated and wondered what I can do to get the forgiveness she needed in order to move on with her life, so I brought the question to my next society meeting - We have monthly meetings and it’s so nice to share with people who know exactly what you are doing and eager to share their experiences - We all need a support system. “ Be careful what she wishes for! The chance is she will die from this.” They said, “ Don’t feel guilty. You did whatever you can do for her. This is her lesson, and she needs to learn.”
Past-life regression is another power tool in hypnosis which I use quite often. Many issues happened in this life had a long history beyond this life span - They rooted in the past life or lives - Many times it takes more than 1 or 2 lives to achieve one soul task, so the same soul goes to different bodies to carry on with this one single task again and again until the lesson to be learned - In Helen’s case, it’s the forgiveness. Each lifetime, the body carries with him or her the specific character traits to condition and in sync with the lesson he or she needs to learn. To find out that part of the history will give the person a much bigger picture on the issue. It will lead to a better understanding on why it happened and what is that you are working on.
There are different levels of healing. If you had an accident, let’s say a car accident, the scenario is you drove on a highway and crashed a car and the other driver got killed. It takes maybe a couple of months to a year to heal the broken ribs and bones. Then much longer time to get over the fear of driving. Probably you will never rid the feeling of guilt for responsible to the death of the other driver whether it’s your fault or not. A soul lesson needs to be learned on physical level, mind level and spiritual level. Past-life regression creates the possibility of higher level of healing.
To bring out the past life memory under hypnosis is somewhat like to bring out the childhood one if you know where to look. It’s all there stored in our subconscious mind. The difference is that conscious memory has a chronological order - “When I was 5 year old, I did this, I did that.” While subconscious memory gives your pictures, like jigsaw puzzles. My job is to put all the puzzle pieces together.
Helen went to a life where she was a young woman in ancient China. She got married and had two little kids - a boy and a girl. “Look at their eyes, do you recognize them?” She slightly tilted her head, seemed looking, and then said:” They are my parents in this life.”
There was a war going on around the countryside where their family lived, so they had to move around to hide from soldiers. Life was in constant turbulence. Eventually her and her husband decided to give up the kids, so the kids were adopted by other two families and she had never seen them again. She was telling the story in a flat matter-of-fact expression, and seemed no emotion attached. She’s just telling me what she can see in these pictures after pictures in her head.
It’s quite strange since one of the evidence for hypnosis is it can make a normal person emotional - We call it abreaction, just like Helen cried all the way through. Now all of sudden she stopped, despite the event being so traumatic and devastating.
So now the picture was getting bigger. It seems forgiveness is not only the cause, but also the effect from the long soul journey. This past life showed her the reason - She needs to forgive in order to release the karma caused by abandoning her kids in this past life. And the fact that she talked about her past action in such an indifferent way without any remorse just proved to me that she seems not ready to release her karma yet.
I felt sorry and tried to explain to her on the conscious level about the cause and effect, about karma. This kind of long-standing karma takes both conscious and subconscious work together in harmony on different levels in order to reach healing. Her mind seems totally occupied by her relationship drama of the day and her son. Once she opened her eyes, her mind had gone somewhere else. So I couldn’t tell how much she heard me, or ever will give it a second thought sometime later.
Since Helen asked to help with her depression, I did some work to elevate her mood. I was motivated by different scenarios from different clients to research and learn more treatment protocols and techniques, whether it’s psychological or hypnosis related. Helen has a strong ego. She likes to compare with others, sometimes the comparison made her feel better, most times worse, then there would be a lot of self-pity. Apparently her wealth didn’t bring her much reassurance and security like most people think what money should.
Ego also separates you with anybody else, so you don’t see the connection and feel you are all alone. That separation is the source of Helen’s deep sadness. She felt all alone and hopeless, and she can’t see anything in her future - That’s one of the feature symptoms of anyone who suffer from depression.
So I tried to help her rebuild her dream by some psychological methods under hypnosis. In one of the sessions, I asked her to describe what’s the best life she could ever dream to have in 5 to 10 year’s time. After quite some prompt, she showed me the picture - It’s a warm and beautiful home, there was someone who loved her and was also loved by her, with a little baby girl in a cradle. Wait! A baby? I put a question mark in my mind. She has breast cancer! The idea of having a baby seems a bit off! So after she was out of trance, I discussed that with her. To my surprise, she told me that her oncologist from the Cancer Agency actually told her that having a baby is a good thing for breast cancer. There were cases which patients got healed after giving birth.
I don’t know if she realized how profound this picture is to her healing. This is the reveal from her higher self - to show her clearly how her cancer could be healed in a practical way when and if, she can let go of the past and move on with her life
Helen did not have a lot of friends. Her life revolved around her son and occasional sparkles with a couple of guys off and on in her life who fall into the category of potential partner. I can tell she’s happy to see me, she will spend hours update her stories with some guy, or what she did for her son if I don’t interrupt. She’s craving for friendship. So sometimes if I’m not pressed for time I will let her go on and on. She’s happy to talk, although sometimes too much ego got in the way. After the light talk I would start the not so light part - my hypnosis made her cry like a river every time. The strong emotion revealed that she wouldn’t let it go - the energy still stuck. So one day after a session, she said: “I need a break. All these tears are drowning me!” That’s when I know it’s time to let go.
She texted me after she left - “If anytime you find better techniques to help me please let me know, I’ll be back, seriously. “ I told her I will, I know I will keep searching. Although I think, as I told her, it’s more important for her to own her lesson and take charge of her own life. You can’t help those who don’t help themselves. If she wakes up someday and really wants to change, whether it is in this life or the life next or next after the next - We all have an eternal soul, the road is always there for her, and I know without doubt, eventually the light will shine through, and she will get there.